...i give up
i give in
i let go
lets begin
because no matter what i do.....
maybe it's right that you have to choose someone that can love you, purely.
i've never met a guy like him before. i've never met someone who can push himself over limits.
i've never met someone like him, who still wants to approach me no matter how many times i pushed him away.
building walls around me, pushing people who actually cares about me.
why did i spend my time caring to people who doesn't giving a single care to me?
complaining all day why can't i be loved?
when the only way to be loved, is open yourself.
thank you for actually caring about me, for asking me how is my day and how am i doing.
deep inside, i know, that i actually also, care about you.
.
How Would You See Me and How Would I See Myself
it's hard to be, when i don't even believe in myself, i don't how it feels to be loved. i tend to push people away, i don't like to be so close with someone. i don't feel pretty at all. would someone see it in me anyway? i feel so ugly most of times. i feel so jealous to see other girls. i dont put on make up, i dont wear good shirts or pants. i tend to keep everything in my head and stop talking in the middle because i think im a boring person, my topic is not good enough to people.
i feel so sorry for being me sometimes.
i choose stars over the sun, but i dont like the dark sky, i choose morning winds over the moon, but i dont like how sun shines on me.
i choose melodies over the lyrics, i choose the old songs than the newest.
i choose to remain silent when i actually have so many things to say. aha
maybe this is why i cant find someone to love...
because i cant even love myself for everything.
but will someone tell me im good?
not good enough, it will never be enough for me.
i like pastel colors, i dont like to be moody, i show my smile.
im pretty good at controlling my emotion, and im a calm person.
how would you see me tho?
i feel so sorry for being me sometimes.
i choose stars over the sun, but i dont like the dark sky, i choose morning winds over the moon, but i dont like how sun shines on me.
i choose melodies over the lyrics, i choose the old songs than the newest.
i choose to remain silent when i actually have so many things to say. aha
maybe this is why i cant find someone to love...
because i cant even love myself for everything.
but will someone tell me im good?
not good enough, it will never be enough for me.
i like pastel colors, i dont like to be moody, i show my smile.
im pretty good at controlling my emotion, and im a calm person.
how would you see me tho?
Counting Blessings!
psikologi positif lagi gencar-gencarnya ada di kampus, satu hal yang membuat saya pribadi dengan psikologi positif adalah konsep untuk tetap "positif"
to the positive in all of us,
it's not easy indeed, to be positive in all aspects in our live, live sometimes gives us lemons when we arent asking for that, getting sad, angry, dissappointed, no, we are, never, once ask for that in our lives, but it's not the point. that, too, something that we cant avoid, it just comes without even we notice it. but sometimes too, we are too stupid to predict what will happen next in out future, like, for the simple example, we know that we have exam tomorrow, but we dont study (like what im doing now), this concept of positive psychology doesnt work here e u e
one thing that caught my attention since the very start knowing about positive psychology is gratitude, lets forget about theory and science now, it all can be read in books or websites,
what i'm going to pour here, pure subjective.
its not easy actually to be grateful, in everything. even if i sing a song that always reminds me to be grateful, i, too, still find it difficult to be grateful for what i have, not for what will i have.
i learn so many things in my 21years old, that you cant bring past back, that even one second passed its already a past. either its happy or sad, either it makes you wanna punch someone or nah. why should we be grateful? thats the question right? what would we get? is it the same with thankful?
im not a spiritual person, not too, religious. but i know, how it is important to be grateful for myself.
to every second i've had, to every breath i take, for having such parents, and friends.
for having a life like this. i dont always realized how much i actually grow, until night comes and i pray, and i say to God, thanks for today, and then i ask myself again, what did you even have today?
actually the last one, that makes me realize how and why should i be grateful? for the next mornings that i dont know will i have or not. why should i be grateful? in can increases the well being? the theory said ( Emmons and McCullough), but if i look inside my heart again, it's not the reason why should i be grateful, it much more how i thank, for all i had and have, i might not be happy just saying im grateful, but for thanking for something given to me, on a purpose or not, makes me relieved.
to the positive in all of us,
it's not easy indeed, to be positive in all aspects in our live, live sometimes gives us lemons when we arent asking for that, getting sad, angry, dissappointed, no, we are, never, once ask for that in our lives, but it's not the point. that, too, something that we cant avoid, it just comes without even we notice it. but sometimes too, we are too stupid to predict what will happen next in out future, like, for the simple example, we know that we have exam tomorrow, but we dont study (like what im doing now), this concept of positive psychology doesnt work here e u e
one thing that caught my attention since the very start knowing about positive psychology is gratitude, lets forget about theory and science now, it all can be read in books or websites,
what i'm going to pour here, pure subjective.
its not easy actually to be grateful, in everything. even if i sing a song that always reminds me to be grateful, i, too, still find it difficult to be grateful for what i have, not for what will i have.
i learn so many things in my 21years old, that you cant bring past back, that even one second passed its already a past. either its happy or sad, either it makes you wanna punch someone or nah. why should we be grateful? thats the question right? what would we get? is it the same with thankful?
im not a spiritual person, not too, religious. but i know, how it is important to be grateful for myself.
to every second i've had, to every breath i take, for having such parents, and friends.
for having a life like this. i dont always realized how much i actually grow, until night comes and i pray, and i say to God, thanks for today, and then i ask myself again, what did you even have today?
actually the last one, that makes me realize how and why should i be grateful? for the next mornings that i dont know will i have or not. why should i be grateful? in can increases the well being? the theory said ( Emmons and McCullough), but if i look inside my heart again, it's not the reason why should i be grateful, it much more how i thank, for all i had and have, i might not be happy just saying im grateful, but for thanking for something given to me, on a purpose or not, makes me relieved.
An Introduction to Normal and Abnormal Child Behavior
Source : Erick J. Mash & David A Wolfe (2013)
apakah gangguan psikologis itu?
gangguan psikologis menunjukkan pola simpton perubahan kognitif, emosi, fisik yang ditunjukkan seseorang berhubungan dengan :
- menujukkan tingkat distress
-memperlihatkan disabilitas, menganggu fungsi area yang penting
-setiap kesulitad dan disabilitas akan meningkatkan resiko penderitaan.
kondisi ini tidak disebabkan hal-hal yang bersifat sementara, maka dari itu ada hal-hal yang harus diperhatikan :
-whose problem it is?
-many child and adoloscene problems involve failure to show expected developmental progress
-many problem behaviors shown by children and youths are not entirely abnormal
-interventions for children and adoloscent often are intended to promote further development rather that merely to restore a previous level of funtions.
mendefinisikan abnormal
a. Label
label menggambarkan perilakunya bukan orangnya. keabnormalan dipicu oleh stigama ( sikap dan keyakinan). perlu menghindari kekeliruan dalam mengidentifikasi disorders.stigma merujuk pada satu set sikap dan belief negatif yang memicu rasa takut, penolakan, penghindaran dan diskriminasi terhadap mereka yang menderita mental illness. stigma membuat seseorang menderita self esteem yang rendah, hopelessness, isolasi. selain itu reaksi yang ditampilkan oleh beberapa anak juga mungkin hasil mereka untuk beradaptasi dengan lingkungan mereka, seperti anak yang harus ikut treatment harus menyesuaikan dirinya dengan treatment. yang perlu diingat adalah penggunaan istilah untuk menggambarkan disorder atau abnormal. istilah istilah tersebut belum tentu merujuk pada penyebab yang sama mengetahui bahwa penyabab dari perilaku abnormal adalah multifaceted dan interactive.
b, kompetensi
apa yang dimaksud dengan keberhasilan adaptasi?
bagaimana agar tahu? develpmental tasks -> memberikan landasan penting unuk memastikan apaka seseorang anak (remaja) mengalami kemajuan atau gangguan dalam perkembangan. kompetensi tercermin dari bagaimana anak memanfaatkan sumber daya internal atau eksternal untuk dapat bisa beradaptasi dengan lingkungannya. keberhasilan adaptasi sendiri beragam sesuai dengan buday,tradisi dan lingkungan anak itu tinggal. sebagai contoh :
infancy to preschool :
-mengembangkan kedekatan dengan figur yang merawatnya
-bahasa
-self control
middle childgood :
-penyesuaian dengan sekolah
-pencapaian prestasi akademis
-berteman dengan teman sebaya
adolescene :
-sukses beranjak ke tingkat sekolah yang lebih tinggi
-keberhasilan akademis ( untuk kerja )
-membentuk identitas yang kohesif
c. developmental pathways.
jalur perkembangan apa saja yang terjadi selama masa perkembangannya? rangkaian saat-saat disepanjang masa diaman psikopatalogi berkembang. developmental pathways membantu menjelaskan arah dan karakteristik perkembangan normal dan abnormal
- multifinality-> perlakuan yang sama memberikan hasil yang berbeda.
apakah gangguan psikologis itu?
gangguan psikologis menunjukkan pola simpton perubahan kognitif, emosi, fisik yang ditunjukkan seseorang berhubungan dengan :
- menujukkan tingkat distress
-memperlihatkan disabilitas, menganggu fungsi area yang penting
-setiap kesulitad dan disabilitas akan meningkatkan resiko penderitaan.
kondisi ini tidak disebabkan hal-hal yang bersifat sementara, maka dari itu ada hal-hal yang harus diperhatikan :
-whose problem it is?
-many child and adoloscene problems involve failure to show expected developmental progress
-many problem behaviors shown by children and youths are not entirely abnormal
-interventions for children and adoloscent often are intended to promote further development rather that merely to restore a previous level of funtions.
mendefinisikan abnormal
a. Label
label menggambarkan perilakunya bukan orangnya. keabnormalan dipicu oleh stigama ( sikap dan keyakinan). perlu menghindari kekeliruan dalam mengidentifikasi disorders.stigma merujuk pada satu set sikap dan belief negatif yang memicu rasa takut, penolakan, penghindaran dan diskriminasi terhadap mereka yang menderita mental illness. stigma membuat seseorang menderita self esteem yang rendah, hopelessness, isolasi. selain itu reaksi yang ditampilkan oleh beberapa anak juga mungkin hasil mereka untuk beradaptasi dengan lingkungan mereka, seperti anak yang harus ikut treatment harus menyesuaikan dirinya dengan treatment. yang perlu diingat adalah penggunaan istilah untuk menggambarkan disorder atau abnormal. istilah istilah tersebut belum tentu merujuk pada penyebab yang sama mengetahui bahwa penyabab dari perilaku abnormal adalah multifaceted dan interactive.
b, kompetensi
apa yang dimaksud dengan keberhasilan adaptasi?
bagaimana agar tahu? develpmental tasks -> memberikan landasan penting unuk memastikan apaka seseorang anak (remaja) mengalami kemajuan atau gangguan dalam perkembangan. kompetensi tercermin dari bagaimana anak memanfaatkan sumber daya internal atau eksternal untuk dapat bisa beradaptasi dengan lingkungannya. keberhasilan adaptasi sendiri beragam sesuai dengan buday,tradisi dan lingkungan anak itu tinggal. sebagai contoh :
infancy to preschool :
-mengembangkan kedekatan dengan figur yang merawatnya
-bahasa
-self control
middle childgood :
-penyesuaian dengan sekolah
-pencapaian prestasi akademis
-berteman dengan teman sebaya
adolescene :
-sukses beranjak ke tingkat sekolah yang lebih tinggi
-keberhasilan akademis ( untuk kerja )
-membentuk identitas yang kohesif
c. developmental pathways.
jalur perkembangan apa saja yang terjadi selama masa perkembangannya? rangkaian saat-saat disepanjang masa diaman psikopatalogi berkembang. developmental pathways membantu menjelaskan arah dan karakteristik perkembangan normal dan abnormal
- multifinality-> perlakuan yang sama memberikan hasil yang berbeda.
- equifinality -> satu hal bisa dihasilkan dari perlakuan yang berbeda.
keragaman anak dalam mencapai kekuatan dan kelemahan psikologis akan menjadi penanda bagi psikologi abnormal, karena tidak ada hubungan sebab akibat yang jelas untuk setiap gangguan pada anak dan remaja.
beberapa asumsi yang perlu diingat :
-banyak faktor yang berpengaruh pada kemunculan gangguan anak
-faktor yang berkontribusi berbeda beda tiap individu
-individu dengan gangguanyang sama akan menujukkan ciri dari gangguan yang dimiliki secara berbeda
-pathways mereka banyak dan interaktif
kenapa dua hal ini bisa berbeda?
jawabannya berkaitan dengan faktor resiko dan faktor proteksi
faktor resiko : variabel yang mengawali munculnya luaran negatif (gangguan) dan akan meningkatkan peluang hal tersebut akan terwujud
a. constitutional
hereditas, abnormalitas, genetik, komplikasi prenantal, penyakit, gizi buruk, perawatan kesehatan yang tidak memadai.
b. family
kemiskinan, diartikan/diasosiasikan dengan konflik stress, keluarga besar.
c. emotional dan interpersonal
self esteem rendah, ketidakmatangan, emosional, temperamen sulit, penolakan peers, tidak kompeten secara sosial.
d. intelectual dan academic
kecerdasan dibawah rata-rata, disabilitas belajar, kegagalan akademis.
e. ecological
lingkungan terdekat yang buruk, kriminalitas, rasial, etnik, diskriminasi gender.
f. non-normative stressful life events
kematian orang yang disayang, perang dll
protective factor : variabel situasional atau pribadi yang akan mengurangi peluang anak mengembangkan gangguan
a. individual
kecerdasan, ramah, rajin, beriman
b. family
otoritatif, mendukung
c. school and community
ada orang yang peduli dengan anak-anak, bersekolah di institusi yang baik, terhubung dengan organisasi sosial yang baik.
faktor faktor yang mempengaruhi Child Mental Disorders
1. kemiskinan -> ortu lebih fokus cari duit sehingga kurang memperhatikan anak
2. peran gender -> pola asuh orang tuan, ortu memperlakukan anak berbeda antara anak perempuan dan laki-laki
3.ras, etnis, budaya -> apa yang normal dalam satu daerah belum tentu normal di daerah lainnya.
4. child maltreatment -> tindakan kurang tepat yang diberikan pada anak. perlakuan kasar pada anaka yang membuat anak takut.
what's so special about you?
Suka sama orang itu wajar? Tapi apakah suka sama seseorang
itu mudah? Apa sih yang kamu lihat waktu
kamu ngerasain suka sama seseorang?
Aku sendiri pernah berbuat bodoh, menganggap itu adalah
perasaan suka tapi ternyata bukan. Menurut aku suka sama orang dengan serius
itu ga gampang. Karena dia baik?
Baik itu konsep yang luas, sangat luas. Baik dalam hal apa? Dia
berbuat baik ke kamu satu kali bukan berarti dia suka sama kamu kan? Apa Cuma karena
itu kamu bisa suka sama orang? Sesimpel itu?
Walau dia udah punya pacar? Sesimpel itu? Walau kamu harus
sampe ninggalin teman teman kamu karena kamu pikir seseorang itu suka sama kamu?
Bukannya kamu kehilangan banyak hal dengan pikiran yang sesempit itu?
Tulisan ini pure subjektif, berdasarkan apa yang aku lihat.
Menyukai seseorang itu mungkin dulu konsep yang sangat simple,
buat semua orang. Yah bisalah dijadiin pacar, tapi sekarang? Di umur yang masuk
20-an, masih pake konsep yang seperti itu? Masih bisa untuk bermain-main, ya
main-mainlah selagi masih punya waktu, tapi kapan jadinya kamu bisa belajar
untuk menyukai seseorang dengan benar?
Menyukai seseorang yang kamu yakin bisa kamu bawa dimasa
depan kamu? Kalau di baikin dikit sama orang lain kamu udah anggap orang itu
suka sama kamu dan ninggalin orang yang sekarang sedang dekat sama kamu. Kamu ninggalin
tugas tugas kamu buat dia? Habisin berjam-jam yang sebenarnya ga penting,
mungkin aku bukan kamu yang ngerasaon hebatnya “jatuh cinta” sama orang , iya. Tapi
sesukanya aku dengan cowo aku ga akan jadi bego.
Bukannya kamu jadi kehilangan banyak hal dengan melakukan
hal ini?
Sekarang dibalikin lagi deh, apa sih yang kamu punya sampai
kamu bisa mikir seseorang itu suka sama kamu? Apa yang istimewa dari kamu yang
membuat kamu merasa spesial? Pantas ga sih kamu merasa untuk bisa disukain sama
orang? Egosentris? Ya. Merasa diri ok? Mungkin, coba tanya diri kamu sendiri.
Tapi kamu sudah kehilangan banyak hal, banyak sekali, dan
kamu juga ga bisa belajar dari kesalahan kesalahan kamu.
What’s so special about you?
Happy New year for me!!!
21 tahun yang lalu, di tanggal ini hahaha
banyak hal berubah sekarang, ga kerasa udah 21 tahun. hmm
ada hal hal yang aku rindukan untuk bisa diulang kembali, tapi sebelumnya aku mau ngucapin terima kasih,
buat Tuhan Yesus yang selalu sayang sama aku, dan aku tahu itu pasti.
buat saudara saudara ku pipit, brenda, bryan, thanks for coloring my life, life wouldnt be as much colorful without you guys here.
buat teman teman dan sahabatku, terima kasih haha for everything you do, hey our friendship is added by a year now!
dan untuk kedua orang tuaku, sumber cinta tanpa syarat ku, terima kasih.
i dont want much really, truth, i dont really want anything right now.
i just hope everyone can be happy, haha idk, i really make no sense at my own birthday.
thanks, God!
for another year you've given to me.
banyak hal berubah sekarang, ga kerasa udah 21 tahun. hmm
ada hal hal yang aku rindukan untuk bisa diulang kembali, tapi sebelumnya aku mau ngucapin terima kasih,
buat Tuhan Yesus yang selalu sayang sama aku, dan aku tahu itu pasti.
buat saudara saudara ku pipit, brenda, bryan, thanks for coloring my life, life wouldnt be as much colorful without you guys here.
buat teman teman dan sahabatku, terima kasih haha for everything you do, hey our friendship is added by a year now!
dan untuk kedua orang tuaku, sumber cinta tanpa syarat ku, terima kasih.
i dont want much really, truth, i dont really want anything right now.
i just hope everyone can be happy, haha idk, i really make no sense at my own birthday.
thanks, God!
for another year you've given to me.
Respect and Love : I love you Unconditionally.
hidup ini pilihan, hidup ini problem solving. hampir semua hal yang terjadi di hidup kita ini dapat kita pilih. tetapi ada beberapa hal dalam dunia ini yang tidak dapat kita pilih. beberapa diantaranya adalah akan lahir dari orang tua seperti apa kita, akan lahir dengan gender sex apa kita, akan lahir dengan kondisi apa kita.. dan yang tak boleh dilupakan untuk mereka yang mempunyai lebih dari satu saudara adalah, saudara seperti apa yang akn mereka miliki. hubungan antar saudara berasal dari lingkungan tertutup, dimana seseorang tidak bisa memilih akan seperti apa saudara mereka, akan lahir dalam gender apa mereka.
tidak ada seorang pun didunia ini yang tentu mengingikan untuk mempunyai kakak atau adik yang mengalami gangguan pada diri mereka. banyak gannguan yang kemudian berkembang serta angkanya mengalami kenaikan setiap tahunnya, autisme dan down syndrome adalah satu dari banyak gangguan yang angkanya mengalami peningkatan tahun ke tahun.
banyak hal tentu berubah dalam kehidupan seseorang jika, salah satu anggota keluarga mereka mengalami gangguan, hal ini kadang menimbulkan rasa marah, malu cemburu pada saudara dari anak-anak berkebutuhan khusus ini. bagaimana mereka menerima apa yang mereka punya, bagaimana mereka bersyukur akan apa yang telah diberikan pada mereka kemudian akan membentuk perilaku yang mereka tampilkan dalam berinteraksi dengan saudara mereka yang berkebutuhan khusus.
satu hal yang kemudian harus kita lihat dari memiliki saudara berkebutuhan khusus adalah bahwa mereka berbeda, dan terkadang karena mereka berbeda, mereka membutuhkan perhatian yang khusus dan lebih. banyak hal kemudian berubah dalam kehidupan seorang kak atau adik ketika kakak atau adik mereka mengalami gangguan. toleransi, satu hal yang sangat penting dalam melihat hubungan antar saudara dengan disabilitas. selain toleransi, ada hal lain yaitu penerimaan. dengan menerima maka seseorang akan bisa untuk mencintai tanpa syarat atau yang biasa kita sebut Unconditional Positive Regard ( Rogers, 1951)
kepedulian, menghargai, memberi nilai dan menyukai adalah elemen alami dari respect (hormat) (Patterson, 1985) tidak menilai dan tidak mengkritik kehadiran mereka. tidakkah memberi mereka hal positif akan sangat penting? mereka juga tidak meminta untuk dilahirkan dengan disabilitas.
banyak anak dari mereka yang mempunyai saudara dengan ASD ( autism spectrum disorders) mengalami keburukan di beberapa bidang. anak-anak ini biasanya dipaksa untuk tumbuh dewasa lebih cepat, hidup mereka gila karena berurusan dengan saudara mereka yang ASD, kadang tidak bisa tidur, cinta orang tua yang terbagi, waktu masa kecil yang berbeda dengan anak-anak lain. jealous dan envy biasanya hinggap dalam diri mereka.
anak anak ini membenci saudara mereka untuk mengambil apa yang seharusnya ada buat mereka, tapi di lain sisi mereka belajar untuk mandiri, untuk lebih peduli, tugas mereka sebagai anak tertua terus berlanjut, seperti terus merawat adik mereka yang disabilitas, dan yang terpenting mereka belajar mencintai, tanpa syarat.
mas, again, b ye
according to Freud, the first five years in humans life is the golden time. (taken from book)
then if it's so important why do some people say we need to forget that? is there really any need to forget about that?
i'm learning though, we cant have it all, sometimes past gives me something to learn, to remember,
and also...to forget.
i realized we..all, or me to be more specific, will need to forget eventually.
NEED, we choose to, or not? it's energy that drive us to fulfil it,
but what if i choose to keep it remains for me? am i wrong?
arent we learning something from past too? sometimes i dont understand though, what past brings to me, how much it changes me. i still see me as the same me.
Mas, you are my past, see everything i have now can be something related to you.
I too, realized i need to stop this, but like a habit i just cant.
i have too much thoughts right now, i cant even pour it into good sentences.
my friends said i need to move on, so you know i've been convincing myself time to time too, that this isn't love i have for you. think that i need to take you for nothing, you indeed a part of my life, eventhough i foolishly said i'd forget but i'm still here thinking of you.
i cant eat well, i cant sleep well these days, there are things that makes me get headache, sometimes you too,, appear like a dream...you are there in my dreams. but i need to tell myself that this isnt love that i feel for you. indeed my heart broke into pieces when i see your relationship status changed that time, i cried too. because i was hoping we could be something. was i that stupid though? hahahaha
i even prayed you somehow would break up with her, i made myself believe that i was better than the girl you choose, i was selfish, i was a fool, and too much of myself, but can you even blame for what i did? i told myself that she was not as pretty as me, wouldn't be as good as me.
but then , i came to the point, that whatever your thoughts say, wont be the same with what my thoughts say. even when i say im better, i know i will never be the one for you, no, not because im not beautiful, not because im stupid, but, because just..no. you were my sun. but guess, i need my rain too, i need my moon too. maybe you were my sun only, you cant be moon to my nights and rain to my drought. you are good mas, but you are better with her. you become someone you're dreaming of all this long. i really should be happy with that and find my own happiness.
you know my preyers still goes to you, but this time, i really hope you are happy, and i can be happy too. i know i eventually need to forget...
then if it's so important why do some people say we need to forget that? is there really any need to forget about that?
i'm learning though, we cant have it all, sometimes past gives me something to learn, to remember,
and also...to forget.
i realized we..all, or me to be more specific, will need to forget eventually.
NEED, we choose to, or not? it's energy that drive us to fulfil it,
but what if i choose to keep it remains for me? am i wrong?
arent we learning something from past too? sometimes i dont understand though, what past brings to me, how much it changes me. i still see me as the same me.
Mas, you are my past, see everything i have now can be something related to you.
I too, realized i need to stop this, but like a habit i just cant.
i have too much thoughts right now, i cant even pour it into good sentences.
my friends said i need to move on, so you know i've been convincing myself time to time too, that this isn't love i have for you. think that i need to take you for nothing, you indeed a part of my life, eventhough i foolishly said i'd forget but i'm still here thinking of you.
i cant eat well, i cant sleep well these days, there are things that makes me get headache, sometimes you too,, appear like a dream...you are there in my dreams. but i need to tell myself that this isnt love that i feel for you. indeed my heart broke into pieces when i see your relationship status changed that time, i cried too. because i was hoping we could be something. was i that stupid though? hahahaha
i even prayed you somehow would break up with her, i made myself believe that i was better than the girl you choose, i was selfish, i was a fool, and too much of myself, but can you even blame for what i did? i told myself that she was not as pretty as me, wouldn't be as good as me.
but then , i came to the point, that whatever your thoughts say, wont be the same with what my thoughts say. even when i say im better, i know i will never be the one for you, no, not because im not beautiful, not because im stupid, but, because just..no. you were my sun. but guess, i need my rain too, i need my moon too. maybe you were my sun only, you cant be moon to my nights and rain to my drought. you are good mas, but you are better with her. you become someone you're dreaming of all this long. i really should be happy with that and find my own happiness.
you know my preyers still goes to you, but this time, i really hope you are happy, and i can be happy too. i know i eventually need to forget...
March
it felt good to wake up this morning!!!!!!!
its march again. hhm
i hope everything will be just fine.
what going to happen next..idek. but it must be good.
its march again. hhm
i hope everything will be just fine.
what going to happen next..idek. but it must be good.
February-ends
so, yesterday my friend's mom asked me if i miss my dad or now since we live at the end of the country.
this makes me think, how fast time passes by, how fast everything becomes memories.
it seems just like yesterday i walked through the empty street in front of my house Amole 6, 582. sitting there with my friends, Meli, Winna, Winni. talking about nothing. spent more time to talk nothing rather than to go home straight. it seems just like yesterday we picked up the flowers and threw it down to the river, making empty wishes, as the soft wind greeted us. every step we take becomes memories.arent we going to back to the past?
it seems just like yesterday i moved to this big city, i dont really get big things here. everything just fine and okay.
but hey, time is now here, its been years since then.
now im 20..going to be 21. (almost) everything has changed. my older sister has graduated and now working at one company, my younger sister entered one one the best univs in bandung, my brother, he just, he's no longer our little baby.
house seems empty, it sounds so lonely. i tend to think before i go to sleep about how much it has changed this past years. i cant no longer spend a lot time with my siblings.
if i could stop time. i'd go back to those time. i open this book, of memories. it has everything that i missed.
i dont know what will change again in the future, but nevertheless, life must go on right?
if someone asked me again, do i miss my dad or my sisters, i would answer..
" i defintely miss them, but there are times that it hurts, when i start missing the memories more than the person. "
this makes me think, how fast time passes by, how fast everything becomes memories.
it seems just like yesterday i walked through the empty street in front of my house Amole 6, 582. sitting there with my friends, Meli, Winna, Winni. talking about nothing. spent more time to talk nothing rather than to go home straight. it seems just like yesterday we picked up the flowers and threw it down to the river, making empty wishes, as the soft wind greeted us. every step we take becomes memories.arent we going to back to the past?
it seems just like yesterday i moved to this big city, i dont really get big things here. everything just fine and okay.
but hey, time is now here, its been years since then.
now im 20..going to be 21. (almost) everything has changed. my older sister has graduated and now working at one company, my younger sister entered one one the best univs in bandung, my brother, he just, he's no longer our little baby.
house seems empty, it sounds so lonely. i tend to think before i go to sleep about how much it has changed this past years. i cant no longer spend a lot time with my siblings.
if i could stop time. i'd go back to those time. i open this book, of memories. it has everything that i missed.
i dont know what will change again in the future, but nevertheless, life must go on right?
if someone asked me again, do i miss my dad or my sisters, i would answer..
" i defintely miss them, but there are times that it hurts, when i start missing the memories more than the person. "
February
today i scrolled down all the screenshots and all of our old convos.
so there are things that will make my heart aches in some ways but in the same time, i'll smile like an idiot.
can we rewind and replay? to those days, i should've moved on, but i find myself stay remaining the same.
i feel so tired tonight, and sleepy too.
Mas, even God knows I love you and it cant be lose in time.
so there are things that will make my heart aches in some ways but in the same time, i'll smile like an idiot.
can we rewind and replay? to those days, i should've moved on, but i find myself stay remaining the same.
i feel so tired tonight, and sleepy too.
Mas, even God knows I love you and it cant be lose in time.
Dia itu...
dia itu mungkin titipan Tuhan...buat aku harus jadi lebih baik.
lihat kak, hari ini pun aku tidak berubah dan sekarang merasa sangat bodoh
lihat kak, hari ini pun aku tidak berubah dan sekarang merasa sangat bodoh
sorry but I- 2
she said i gotta move on and find another thing so i don't need to think about how stupid is "love". but because of you i don't believe in love, because of you i still find it hard to say "love", today too, you are still the reason why i find it hard to believe in love. i might be too young to talk about love, but im not a child anymore.
it's been years, if i want to count it right, it's been 9years, why can't i forget you. you know what's unfair? being so love-less, being weak, and so much of prentending of being strong, pretending that i love, prenteding that i'm just fine. im always like this since we met, i havent changed one bit.
sure, i am happy when i see you finally met someone you love, she told things, i refused to believe.
my friends said there are many guys after me, why can't i see them?
as much as i want to be with you, i want you to be happy even more, you'll never know the pain i've gone through, and I wish you didn't need to go through the same thing.
if i had a chance to meet you once again, and to know you again, i'd like to make it right and not being a coward. but i know it wont happen,
goodbyes are sad, but i never find any difficultness of saying it, but you.
i can't touch you, i cant see you, but im still fine.
you came to me by a joke in the playground, bought the home made chocolate and that time felt like just yesterday. goodbyes are sad but my tears are dried. you only came into my dreams again and again. i still see you yesterday in front of me, we talked. but now you're standing at the opposite of the road. goodbyes are sad but my heart and mind filled with pain.
love will never let me touch you, when i thought love has come but it's only one sided.
i've tried waiting for you, but you ended up gone. always i, like a fool, goodbyes are sad but the overflowing joy i can still feel warm me.
if i had the chance to meet you again, i'll be the first one to say "hello, I'm fine. how are you?" please now let me see you even in my dreams. i hope time will let me to see you and will let you to tell me "be fine" where are you? what are you doing? do you know my heart? in the place that i cant see you anymore.
I miss you
I hope you’re unhappy,I’m fine with being miserable and never finding love again,So I pray that you live in regret.
it's been years, if i want to count it right, it's been 9years, why can't i forget you. you know what's unfair? being so love-less, being weak, and so much of prentending of being strong, pretending that i love, prenteding that i'm just fine. im always like this since we met, i havent changed one bit.
sure, i am happy when i see you finally met someone you love, she told things, i refused to believe.
my friends said there are many guys after me, why can't i see them?
as much as i want to be with you, i want you to be happy even more, you'll never know the pain i've gone through, and I wish you didn't need to go through the same thing.
if i had a chance to meet you once again, and to know you again, i'd like to make it right and not being a coward. but i know it wont happen,
goodbyes are sad, but i never find any difficultness of saying it, but you.
i can't touch you, i cant see you, but im still fine.
you came to me by a joke in the playground, bought the home made chocolate and that time felt like just yesterday. goodbyes are sad but my tears are dried. you only came into my dreams again and again. i still see you yesterday in front of me, we talked. but now you're standing at the opposite of the road. goodbyes are sad but my heart and mind filled with pain.
love will never let me touch you, when i thought love has come but it's only one sided.
i've tried waiting for you, but you ended up gone. always i, like a fool, goodbyes are sad but the overflowing joy i can still feel warm me.
if i had the chance to meet you again, i'll be the first one to say "hello, I'm fine. how are you?" please now let me see you even in my dreams. i hope time will let me to see you and will let you to tell me "be fine" where are you? what are you doing? do you know my heart? in the place that i cant see you anymore.
I miss you
I hope you’re unhappy,I’m fine with being miserable and never finding love again,So I pray that you live in regret.
Long Time No See
you stupid, long time no see..
there are no people who is like you
eventhough i have nothing i dont need anything
but my world keeps stopping
there's not a single flower around me when you're not with me
long time no see, i motioned towards you
my gaze towards you, what is this?
you, who were my focus now vanished into memories
i tried to stand in front of you again
my heart keeps beating with the thought of seeing you again
calling your name have become habit of mine i talk about you all day
i dont want nobody else
i ran through time, just wait for me. just a little bit more
in our memories, the one who have been waiting for me, you're standing in front of me
long time no see, how have you been now? you've been waiting for me for so long, now im not going anywhere. oh baby dont worry
long time no see i also miss you a lot too, i lost my way towards you, now im not going anywhere,baby dont worry
it's been a long time, it's really been a long time
did you end up waiting for me? i made a promise with your pale hands
im sorry i didn't kept my promise, i'll explain to you why i come late
i was busy overcoming the pain that God gives me
and trying to save my brother who share blood and flesh
i kept emptying my heart that was empty
while im reaching for my dreams its just getting bigger
that is why i was so late
itd hard to raise up the dreams that already been shattered
that is what i've become and you're still............
it has been a long time and i miss you a lot
in our memories, the one who have been waiting for me, you're standing in front of me
long time no see, how have you been now? you've been waiting for me for so long, now im not going anywhere. oh baby dont worry
long time no see i also miss you a lot too, i lost my way towards you, now im not going anywhere,baby dont worry
oh baby dont worry, lets stay together forever
i promise that i'll stay by your side~
oh baby dont worry, lets stay together forever
I'll be there with you~
it's been a long time, it's really been a long time
FRESH YEAR
tulisan pertama di tahun baru,
tahun ini pun, kenapa setiap kali buka web itu,, setiap kali ngeliat itu. kenapa sakitnya masih sama hahaha sama seperti bertahun tahun yang lalu, kenapa tidak berkurang? tidak berkurang sedikitpun. diliputi rasa kesal dan menyesal, aku masih berharap bahwa ini bukan salahku.
kalau punya mesin waktu pengen balik ke masa itu, bukan bukan untuk merubah situasi, supaya ga ada rasa sesal aja.
its always been new year...
tahun ini pun, kenapa setiap kali buka web itu,, setiap kali ngeliat itu. kenapa sakitnya masih sama hahaha sama seperti bertahun tahun yang lalu, kenapa tidak berkurang? tidak berkurang sedikitpun. diliputi rasa kesal dan menyesal, aku masih berharap bahwa ini bukan salahku.
kalau punya mesin waktu pengen balik ke masa itu, bukan bukan untuk merubah situasi, supaya ga ada rasa sesal aja.
its always been new year...
