mas, again, b ye

according to Freud, the first five years in humans life is the golden time. (taken from book)

then if it's so important why do some people say we need to forget that? is there really any need to forget about that?

i'm learning though, we cant have it all, sometimes past gives me something to learn, to remember,

and also...to forget.

i realized we..all, or me to be more specific, will need to forget eventually.
NEED, we choose to, or not? it's energy that drive us to fulfil it,
but what if i choose to keep it remains for me? am i wrong?
arent we learning something from past too? sometimes i dont understand though, what past brings to me, how much it changes me. i still see me as the same me.

Mas, you are my past, see everything i have now can be something related to you.
I too, realized i need to stop this, but like a habit i just cant.

i have too much thoughts right now, i cant even pour it into good sentences.


my friends said i need to move on, so you know i've been convincing myself time to time too, that this isn't love i have for you. think that i need to take you for nothing, you indeed a part of my life, eventhough i foolishly said i'd forget but i'm still here thinking of you.

i cant eat well, i cant sleep well these days, there are things that makes me get headache, sometimes you too,, appear like a dream...you are there in my dreams. but i need to tell myself that this isnt love that i feel for you. indeed my heart broke into pieces when i see your relationship status changed that time, i cried too. because i was hoping we could be something. was i that stupid though? hahahaha
i even prayed you somehow would break up with her, i made myself believe that i was better than the girl you choose, i was selfish, i was a fool, and too much of myself, but can you even blame for what i did? i told myself that she was not as pretty as me, wouldn't be as good as me.
but then , i came to the point, that whatever your thoughts say, wont be the same with what my thoughts say. even when i say im better, i know i will never be the one for you, no, not because im not beautiful, not because im stupid, but, because just..no. you were my sun. but guess, i need my rain too, i need my moon too. maybe you were my sun only, you cant be moon to my nights and rain to my drought. you are good mas, but you are better with her. you become someone you're dreaming of all this long. i really should be happy with that and find my own happiness.

you know my preyers still goes to you, but this time, i really hope you are happy, and i can be happy too. i know i eventually need to forget...