How Would You See Me and How Would I See Myself

it's hard to be, when i don't even believe in myself, i don't how it feels to be loved. i tend to push people away, i don't like to be so close with someone. i don't feel pretty at all. would someone see it in me anyway? i feel so ugly most of times. i feel so jealous to see other girls. i dont put on make up, i dont wear good shirts or pants. i tend to keep everything in my head and stop talking in the middle because i think im a boring person, my topic is not good enough to people.
i feel so sorry for being me sometimes.
i choose stars over the sun, but i dont like the dark sky, i choose morning winds over the moon, but i dont like how sun shines on me.
i choose melodies over the lyrics, i choose the old songs than the newest.
i choose to remain silent when i actually have so many things to say. aha
maybe this is why i cant find someone to love...
because i cant even love myself for everything.
but will someone tell me im good?
not good enough, it will never be enough for me.
i like pastel colors, i dont like to be moody, i show my smile.
im pretty good at controlling my emotion, and im a calm person.

how would you see me tho?